It’s hard to believe this is my 100th blog! I think writing has saved my life, in many ways. When thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up, being a writer was the first thing I remember. My dad read my “little girl stories” and gave me the gift of encouragement to believe I was worthwhile. He believed I could do it, or anything I wanted to do. That confidence is what I carried with me, in my pocket, as my secret weapon against the battles I fought in the world of growing up. It is what kept me tethered to God’s word, to my dreams, and to my goals. I kept careful track of where I was in this pilgrim’s journey and measured how far I yet had to go. The process of writing itself helped me sort out my life when I felt overwhelmed. It kept me from hopelessness and motivated me when I lost my way.
As a girl looking to the future, writing was my hope there was something for me that I loved. As I grew older, it was my saving grace as I poured out my heart in the transforming struggle to grow up and become a woman. It, then, became the outlet of my earnest prayers for a husband and a family someday. Ever grateful, I married the man perfectly made for me. I wrote down every beautiful twist and turn that brought our lives together. I wrote of my deep desire to have children. I wrote in their baby books my thanks and what it felt like the first moment I saw my two little miracles. I wrote down the milestones of when they did all their “firsts.” As our children grew I continued to write my prayers for their salvation and, then, for the person they would someday marry. I prayed they would find their person … the one they could walk with through this life. I wrote about the deep sorrow I felt to see our children leave home. As the years passed, I wrote down my heart’s cry as I experienced disappointments, sadness and loss. I wrote about how the goodness of God truly is enough, even in the pain.
From the darkest days of my life, I wrote about my brokenness before God and man. This was the first leap of faith to share my heart in writing. I have worked so hard to guard my heart, not wanting to give anyone the opportunity to bruise it. Because of this, I regret opportunities lost and precious time that passed me by. Fifteen months ago, I began the process of letting go and trusting God to heal me and, possibly, anyone else who might benefit from reading something I have written down. It has been incredibly therapeutic for me. If you have followed me on this journey, I am honored and incredibly grateful. I appreciate all your kind comments. I am going to keep writing until my ink runs out. God is mighty and worthy of all praise and glory.“Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. It cost God plenty to get you out of that dead-end, empty-headed life you grew up in. He paid with Christ’s sacred blood, you know. He died like an unblemished, sacrificial lamb. And this was no afterthought. Even though it has only lately—at the end of the ages—become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you. It’s because of this sacrificed Messiah, whom God then raised from the dead and glorified, that you trust God, that you know you have a future in God.” (I Peter 1:18-21 The Message)